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resilience

Look Rejection in the Eye and Keep on Going

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Magleby’s chocolate cake. Starbucks Italian cream sodas. Sailor Moon. What do these three things have in common? They are my rejection letter comforts.

Let’s face it. No one wants to see the words This just isn’t a good fit for me when they open that email from the agent who has had their query for the last twenty-three days (or twenty-three minutes, as was the case in my fastest rejection). But even your favorite authors have had to deal with rejection. So how do you survive when all you really want to do is climb into bed and never write another word again? Here are some tips to surviving rejection and living to write another day.

1. Reward yourself!

The mere fact that you’re putting yourself out there and sharing your story with the world is a big deal. You should be proud. A rejection means that you took a shot. You actually wrote that query, found that agent, and pressed send. You’re no longer just another soul who wrote a few words and called it a book. You are submitting. You are a writer. So when John Luc doesn’t think your story is right for him, smile and know that you are one step closer to finding who it is right for. And then go get that scoop of your favorite Baskin-Robbins flavor. You deserve it—because tomorrow you have another query to send.

2. Remember that not everyone loved Twilight.

It seems like every writing conference I go to I talk to someone who hates Twilight. Personally, I remember calling seven or eight people the minute I first finished reading it and telling them they had to read that book. This poor book has been raked over the coals, yet it has one of the biggest fan bases ever. The moral of the story? You are never going to please everyone. You don’t want an agent that is only so-so about your book. You want one that loves it like you do. Rejection is just a way to help you find your dream agent.

3. No doesn’t equal bad.

If you are going to survive the submission process, you need to change your mind-set. I have a dear friend who taught me this. When she first started a home business, she decided that instead of looking for the yes, she was going to look for the no. She was going to keep on contacting potential customers until she got twenty who said no. That wasn’t as easy as she thought it would be. She kept on getting yes after yes after yes. Let Murphy’s Law work for you: If you’re looking for a yes, you’re bound to get a no. But if you are looking for a no, well…

4. You’re not alone.

Kathryn Stockett was rejected 60 times before The Help finally found a home. Stockett isn’t alone. Consider Shannon Hale. J. K. Rowling. Stephen King. Some of the best-loved authors in the world got their fair amount of rejections before their novels found a place onto bookstore shelves and into the hearts of millions of readers. Well, they’re not alone, and neither are you. Agents don’t hate you if they reject you. Sure, you may get the occasional letter reminding you that only people who can actually write get published. When that happens, refer to point 1—and while you’re drowning your sorrows in chocolate, remind yourself that even Rudyard Kipling was told that he didn’t know how to use the English language. Then wash the sticky off your hands (or lick it off if you’re really depressed) and get back to submitting. You are not alone!

5. Read your book.

There is a reason you are putting yourself through this waiting game. You wrote a book—one that you love enough to share with the rest of the world. If you ever get to the point where you are ready to hang up your hat, go back and read a favorite scene. Remind yourself why you love this character or hate that villain. Find that one line that makes you laugh every time you think about it. Read that one part that you need almost an entire box of Kleenex just to get through. If you feel like it’s just not worth it, read your book, and then submit it for your characters. They are worth submitting for.

6. Overcome resistance.

Resistance is a major negative force that can hold you back from from fulfilling your dreams. Watch this inspiring video on how author Steven Pressfield overcame resistance, self-sabotage, and self-doubt (and how that’s more important than talent!).

Do This Now

  1. Submit. There is no need to worry about surviving rejection if you don’t take that first big step.
  2. Don’t sit by the mailbox playing the waiting game. Write. Read. Find someone else to whom you can submit.
  3. Get a three-ring binder and keep a copy of each rejection letter. Someday, when you’re famous, you’ll have some great stories to tell. While you’re at it, put a file in front of the binder to keep track of everyone you submit to and how long it took each one to respond.
  4. Lastly, you can stave off some of that rejection by learning what agents and editors are salivating for. Get some hints here.

This article was written by Sabine Berlin and was republished with permission from Eschler Editing.

A headshot of Sabine Berlin.

Sabine Berlin

Editor

Sabine Berlin is a senior editor at Eschler Editing, where she has worked for over twelve years to help writers bring their stories to life. She is the co-publisher of Mad Cat, the young adult imprint of Roan and Weatherford Publishing. Sabine has also successfully self-published (Oh My Oppa!) and traditionally published (And the Sky Full of Stars). 

    Sometimes Things Do Work Out

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    By Steve Dunn Hanson

    I first met Bill in 1987. He was a regional representative for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and was visiting our stake in Orange County, California where I served as a counselor in the stake presidency. To this day, I can’t tell you why there was almost instant bonding between us, as he was over 20 years my senior. Maybe it was because we both loved to write. In any case, virtually from the git-go we traded writings. Mine, fiction and self-help articles. His, memoirs and personal history. And what a history! From a boy of small stature with a horrific stuttering problem and son of a coal-dust-eating railroad engineer, to a man known throughout the world for his accomplishments and contributions.

    I got the best of the bargain in our exchanges. Bill was not only the consummate “Martha” with his practicality and I’ll-figure-out-how-to-do-it genius, but he was a spiritual, poetic “Mary” as well, an extraordinary hybrid whose writing skill dwarfed my own.

    An Act of Kindness

    One of his stories was particularly poignant. As a boy, Bill lived in Provo, Utah, and his diminutive size and severe stuttering problem contributed to his painfully shy disposition. He was always the last one chosen for a team—if chosen at all—and was the subject of constant derision from many of his peers. He was maybe eight or nine-years-of-age when his grade school teacher gave the children an assignment to write an essay and then read the essay in front of the class.

    Bill’s turn came, and he fearfully stood, knowing what would happen next. His stuttering was so overwhelming that he didn’t get more than a few words out before he stopped. Embarrassed to tears, he started to take his seat when the teacher told him to stay where he was. “You will finish, Bill,” she said. She probably meant well, thinking that forcing Bill to go through this would help him overcome his stuttering. For Bill, though, his teacher’s act bordered on cruel.

    For the longest time, Bill just stood there. Then a remarkable thing happened. One of his classmates, a young girl by the name of Millie, who was sitting on the front row, reached out her hand, took his, then smiled up at him. That simple act of support calmed and strengthened him, and he finished his reading.

    That simple act of support calmed and strengthened him.

    Making Connections

    Such were the Bill Gould stories he shared with me, and for the next few years, we kept in close touch. Bill’s wife, Erlyn, was a beautiful woman. How he idolized her and cared for her. She was a cancer victim and graciously and courageously struggled to stay afloat. She passed away in 1992, and it was as though a chunk of Bill died with her. For the next nearly two years it seemed as though Bill just disappeared, and I had little contact with him.

    Then one day when my wife and I were in the Los Angeles Temple, I saw him. And he was not alone! When he saw me, his face turned total smile, and he pulled the woman he was with close to him. “Steve, do you remember one of my stories about a girl named Millie who held my hand to help me get through an agonizing ordeal when I was a boy?”

    “Yes!” I answered. “Who could forget that story!”

    Bill’s smile got wider. “This is Millie. Millie Gould now. We were married last week.”

    My turn to smile!

    Bill then talked about his funk when his wife, Erlyn, died. He was in an I’m-going-no-where morass, and he finally determined to get out of it. His plan was straight Bill Gould. He reviewed his life to determine those who had given him grace, who had made all the difference for him at critical times. Then one-by-one he sought them out to tell them thank you and to now impart his own grace to them to the extent he could.

    While this was happening, Bill’s daughter, who lived in Provo, was talking to her neighbor, a widow, about her dad. She explained how difficult his life was since his wife’s death and what he was now doing. When the neighbor heard that his last name was Gould, she asked what his first name was.

    “William,” Bill’s daughter replied.

    “Billy Gould?” the neighbor asked surprised. “As a boy, did he go to school in Provo by any chance?”

    The daughter nodded, and her neighbor, Millie, grinned. “Billy Gould and I were classmates in grade school.”

    Bill’s daughter told him who her neighbor was, and Bill put her on his thank you list to contact. The rest, as they say, is history.

    We Must Act for Ourselves

    Sometimes, things do work out, but I think things can just about always work out, but I believe it is our choice. I don’t mean in a Pollyannish kind of way, or that the results will always be what we initially desired. Rather, we can choose how any situation or circumstance we find ourselves in will ultimately affect us. We can literally shape the results of all our experiences. I believe that’s what Lehi meant when he said, “…The Lord God gave unto man that he should act for himself. … They have become free forever, …to act for themselves and not to be acted upon” (See 2 Nephi 2:16,26 emphasis added).

    Things can just about always work out, but I believe it is our choice.

    For a long time, my friend Bill was in a funk because of his wife’s death. Who wouldn’t be? But he was being acted upon. He let his circumstance dictate his mood. It controlled him. He was not free. Then he chose to be grateful. Instead of looking at his wife’s death as an emotional and debilitating black hole, he made her life a symbol of his gratitude. A catalyst for him to act. And, as I said, the rest is history.

    Bill’s experience and example has been an inspiration to me in my writing and in my life. While rejection, writer’s block, and a zillion other things can be gut-punches, I’m finding I can choose to turn the experience: To learn from it. To be a better writer. To be a better person. To make my experience a positive one for me. Granted, how it works out is not usually what I thought or hoped it would be. But because I choose to act, it becomes a blessing. Hopefully, it can for you too.

    Steve Dunn Hanson

    Steve Dunn Hanson is the author of several books, including inspirational and adventure fiction and self-help non-fiction, which have been traditionally published and self-published. In addition, he has had articles published in The Ensign, and writes poetry and hymns. He and his wife, Joyce currently live on a scenic hill in northeast Washington.

    Visit Steve Dunn Hanson at https://stevedunnhanson.com/