grief

Writing: A Tool to Process Grief

May 18, 2026 By LDSPMA Leave a Comment

Psychologists often recommend keeping a journal as a way to process thoughts and feelings, creating an outlet that can be shared or kept private. There’s something healing about pouring emotions onto a page. Sometimes this exercise is sufficient to help people process their feelings without any other therapy. At times, it aids the therapy they do undergo by helping them examine their deeper thoughts.

I’ve known all about that for years, but I didn’t realize writing fiction is also an excellent way to explore what I’ve been through.

For example, my parents divorced when I was a teenager. At the time, I chose to bury my feelings rather than work through them because my mother was relying on me for emotional support, and I believed I needed to stay strong and positive for her. Years later, I realized there were things holding me back. I knew it was time to revisit those feelings and give them a voice. I did so by writing a book titled Take My Advice. My main character was actually me. Everything she experienced was something I’d gone through myself. Of course, her story’s plot was fictional because my own life wasn’t exciting enough to write a book about, but everything relating to her parents’ divorce was based on my own thoughts and emotions as a confused and worried teen. Everything I’d wanted to say and everything I’d been afraid to feel ended up in that book. I won’t lie—it was painful, but it helped me understand myself better and recognize things I’d been reluctant to look at before. My feelings of betrayal, abandonment, and insecurity were finally allowed to rise to the surface, freeing me to begin healing from them. (Take My Advice by Tristi Pinkston, 2018.)

Another example came when I was a young mother. My father passed away in 2010, and that was a different kind of grief altogether. I helped coordinate some of his care during his final days, and I spent a lot of time with him then. Because I felt I’d lost him a bit during the divorce—only seeing him once or twice a week—losing him again seemed utterly unfair. I was able to take those feelings and work through my grief by writing a book about a girl who lost her father—this one less autobiographical, but her emotions were still mine. (Turning Pages by Tristi Pinkston, first edition 2012, second edition 2019.)

Although each of my stories contains aspects of myself in one way or another, these two books contain far more of “me” than any others. By having my characters voice something I’ve always wanted to say, I’m able to release some of those pent-up emotions in ways that feel constructive and healing, and that sort of vulnerability makes for a better story because it feels more authentic.

I’ve also found it cathartic to give those characters satisfying endings. I might not have everything figured out myself, but by helping my characters find their answers, I’ve experienced a sense of closure that gives me peace until I can reach that point.

Here are a few things I’ve learned as I took these painful experiences and made them into fiction:

I need to give myself permission to write without restrictions or rules. The first draft is always the messiest because that’s where all the not-so-pretty feelings come out. I allow myself to say anything and everything I’ve been holding back, and it’s both painful and freeing. I don’t edit anything at this point; I just let the words flow until I’ve said everything I want to say.

I’ve had to learn what to leave in and what to take out. A lot of that initial writing wasn’t needed for the book. In fact, much of it wasn’t appropriate to include. I’ve experienced things that were for me alone (such as answers to prayers and personal miracles) that I wouldn’t ever publish. Other things would have exposed me too much and made me even more vulnerable. By being selective about what to incorporate into the story, I can share what feels most valuable without giving too much of myself away.

I can use my fictional characters not only as the lens through which I see everything, but also as a shield so I can look at my own situation from a safe distance. Giving my thoughts and feelings to my characters allows me to analyze them, deciding which things I’m ready to let go of and which things still need some work to overcome.

Above all, during this process, I’ve learned that the Savior walks with us every step of the way, hoping that we will give our griefs and sorrows to Him and stop trying to carry everything ourselves. We simply aren’t strong enough for that, no matter how hard we try. That’s why He invites us to come unto Him to find rest.

I believe we are each blessed with a creative gift not only to beautify the world and uplift those around us, but as a method of releasing the hurts and the anxieties we feel because of our struggles. Writing is a gift I use to work through my trials, but it’s not the only medium available to us. Dancers, artists, singers, and many others use their own creative talents to strengthen their mental health and work through their own complicated emotions. I encourage each of you to explore ways to use your talents to release things that may be burdening you so that you can find healing.

Tristi Pinkston

Tristi Pinkston is the mother of four, the wife of one, the author of one hundred and seventy-five, and the editor of oodles. She serves as the chairman of the board for the Bear Lake Arts Council and participates enthusiastically (if not with utmost skill) in their theatrical productions. She is currently the editor-in-chief for the resource library here on the LDSPMA website. You can learn more about her on her website.

When Life Says NO: How to Recover from Major Unexpected Events

April 30, 2026 By LDSPMA Leave a Comment

No one expects surgery to sneak up on them, much less a major abdominal surgery that leaves them incapacitated for a month, but that’s exactly what happened to me on March 3rd, 2026.

It started with mild abdominal pain that worsened over the course of a few days until I couldn’t sleep. I headed to the ER, where they found that my large intestine had twisted over itself. This condition would need immediate surgical correction, or the consequences would be severe.

Between health issues, my father’s passing, and job loss, my life has been filled with unexpected happenings of late. I didn’t wish for this kind of adventure, but this surgery taught me to slow down when life says no. My recovery took far longer than I anticipated, but once I’d been thrust into it, there wasn’t much I could do but rest, re-prioritize, and rejuvenate my soul and body as best I could.

Here are some suggestions that helped me in my recovery and might help you, too.

Prioritize What’s Important

One of the biggest challenges during my recovery was that suddenly, I couldn’t do everything I wanted to do. My surgery resulted in an eight-inch incision on my abdomen. Moving, much less standing and sitting, caused great pain. So I had to learn to say no. Working as a freelancer, I hate saying no to anyone. I want to work on any and all projects that come my way because I never know when things will come again.

But when your ability to function is limited, you must slow down. This means learning to let go of the things you can’t do. Whether that’s a project, a service opportunity, or an outing with a friend, just calmly explain your situation. Most people are very understanding, especially when unforeseen circumstances arise. Saying no can be painful, especially if you’re an overachiever like me. But it’s better to ration your energy than keep going until you burn out. Prioritize your recovery. Everything else can wait.

Take Time to Rest

As you rearrange your priorities, make sure to place rest at the top of the list. And I mean actual sleep: closing the eyelids and nodding off to dreamland. In the initial days after returning home, I slept more than I could have imagined. My surgery taught me rest is the best thing to help the body and brain reset and recover.

Even after you start to feel normal—or mostly normal—you still need to take breaks. I’m not in as much physical pain as before, but I’m still taking naps when needed. Major events take time to recover from, and that is totally normal. Don’t push yourself to jump back into regular activities before you’re ready.

Spend Time with Those You Love

As you get back on your feet, make sure to spend time with the people who matter most. For me, the biggest comfort of my hospital stay was the visitors who came to check on me. Even simple text messages comforted my weary soul.

Studies show that despite the technological advances we enjoy in our modern world, people are lonelier than ever. We need to spend time connecting with those we love because connection helps us feel less alone and boosts our mood, which helps us recover.

Make sure you don’t overdo it. If spending time with friends feels utterly exhausting, it’s okay to let them know and take a break. Do things at your own pace. Just don’t shut out the people who care for you, especially when you’re hurting or grieving. People need people, even if that’s only one visit a week.

Ask for Help

Along with spending time with those you love, don’t be afraid to ask for help. Neither my husband nor I like asking people for help—we were raised to be independent and self-sufficient. But after my surgery, we realized we couldn’t do everything on our own. My energy was entirely focused on feeling better, while my husband focused on work. I had to set aside my stubbornness and ask for what I needed. Friends brought us food and helped us clean our apartment.

Mosiah 2:18 reads “… when ye are in the service of your fellow beings, ye are only in the service of your God.” Give others a chance to serve God by serving you when you need it most.

Give Yourself Grace

Above all, be patient with yourself. Recovery doesn’t happen overnight, and especially after unexpected losses, the grief will last a while. Don’t put pressure on yourself to have everything back to normal as quickly as possible. Healing takes not only time, but also the Savior’s help. Give yourself grace by taking life one day at a time and giving some of that time to Him.

Life is meant to be full of twists and turns (sometimes literally), for it is through experience that we grow. Life might say no in a variety of ways, but there are things we can do to not only recover from the unexpected, but gain from it. It may not be pleasant or easy, but sometimes life saying no turns out to be life-changing; it helps us become who God always meant for us to be.

KaTrina Jackson

Author, Editor

KaTrina Jackson loves penguins, chocolate, and piano music, and spends much of each day trying to fit those loves in around her jobs as a freelance editor and a project manager for Eschler Editing. She graduated with a degree in editing and publishing from Brigham Young University. She’s a member of three different writing groups, attends and teaches at multiple writing conferences, has volunteered with LDSPMA since 2021, and recently published her first novel. When she’s not writing, editing, or reading, she can be found practicing yoga, teaching piano lessons, or watching Disney movies while working on a cross-stitch project. She and her husband live in Olathe, Kansas.

A Conversation with Lisa Valentine Clark

October 17, 2025 By LDSPMA Leave a Comment

Lisa Valentine Clark, a self-described “plucky, spirited gal from Lincoln, Nebraska,” graduated from Brigham Young University with a degree in English and began her career in the improv group The Garrens. Later, she starred in the movie Once I Was a Beehive, hosted the TV show Random Acts, published a book called Real Moms: Making It Up as We Go, and currently hosts BYUradio’s The Lisa Show.

Lisa didn’t plan on being an actress, author, comedian, or podcast host. “I just sort of stumbled into my life,” she says. “[I had] lots of hopes and dreams, and I always knew that I would have a fun [and interesting] life, but the details were all very muddy.”

Lisa met her husband, Christopher, in college. He had just returned from his mission in Finland, and she was the president of the English Society. Together they performed what she describes as a “really horrible, really cheesy” play called The Mysteries, which they took very seriously. It was a collection of Bible stories wherein he was cast as Satan and she was cast as a chicken on Noah’s Ark. Lisa recalls, “[I was] the best chicken, the most committed chicken. My mother-in-law, to this day, remembers my performance and asks me to do it regularly.”

Lisa credits her parents with nurturing her creativity and willingness to be vulnerable. “My dad just made us laugh all the time. My mom didn’t take herself seriously. She was really super committed to whatever she did.”

Still, growing up was sometimes difficult for Lisa, being “a little bit awkward” and feeling different because of her faith. “I always felt off, I think, like most people do.” Instead of feeling bad about her otherness, she decided to commit to it one hundred percent, embracing her self-deprecating humor. “I’ve collected people in my life that also love ‘their thing,’ but don’t take themselves too seriously.”

While she and her friends are all artists, in the end, they all just want to make each other laugh. She says, “I don’t try to pretend that I don’t care…But I can’t control the outcome, or if people like it or don’t.” This confidence allows her to have fun with the people she cares about, taking her to exciting new places in life.

Lisa’s open and honest approach to life enables her to connect with others and communicate with them in a relatable way. She doesn’t try to divide her life into categories or pretend that she or her family is perfectly put together. The image she portrays in public matches who she is at home. “Come into the fold. [. . . ] And let’s have a dinner party after.”

This mindset has been a springboard to lift Lisa from dark times in her life, most significantly the loss of her husband in 2020 from Lou Gehrig’s disease (ALS). Lisa says, “You’ve got to really feel your feelings…the deepest, darkest lows crack you wide open to feel higher highs. And I do feel like there’s a purpose in it, and I don’t want to be, like, ‘Oh, there’s purpose in suffering,’ because I sort of hate myself when I say that. But I do think it is true.”

Christopher’s terminal diagnosis meant that Lisa witnessed her talented husband slowly decline over four and half years. A trained classical pianist, he had always found joy and expression in music. Lisa remembers, “He closed the piano, and I said, ‘What are you doing?’ And he said, ‘My piano playing days are over. It was a good run…So now I just want to focus on [directing and doing] other things that I love.’” For Lisa, accepting that Christopher could no longer play the piano meant coming to terms with his impending death. She told herself, “This is happening. You’d better get with the program and learn how to carry this, or you’re going to fall apart every day. And you’re going to miss the joy that is surrounding you.”

Even while Lisa was caring for him by brushing his teeth, dressing him, and getting him ready for the day, Christopher assured her that he didn’t blame God for his trials and helped her see that life isn’t fair for anyone. “[His outlook] really softened it and changed my whole perspective of God’s purpose for each one of us, how He loves us, how He trusts us, and what faith really means,” Lisa says. “Something that Chris taught me in going through this is that, no matter what we go through, God is with us. And I saw evidence of that every day. And then I was telling the kids, ‘Oh, do you see that? That means God loves us.’”

Lisa expands her innate capacity for joy through humor, sharing that she and Christopher laughed together every day. “But when he needed to feel the gravity of his situation and the deep sense of loss, he felt it.” Sharing this balance with Christopher sustained her during the hard times.

After his passing, Lisa carried these lessons into her own healing process. She admits that it’s not always easy to maintain a joyful attitude and that sometimes she would rather stay in her comfortable bed than face her grief. “I try not to let it ruin my entire day as it used to. I try to honor it and feel it for as long as I need to, and recognize that I’m not going to feel that way all the time.”

Talking with supportive friends and family helps Lisa sort through her thoughts and emotions. She also stresses the importance of having a goal or purpose to give herself a break from the heaviness of life. Lisa recalls, “I haven’t played the piano for years, probably over a decade. And then about six, seven months after Chris died, I just was so in my head and not ready to see people or be in the world. And I started playing the piano again.” Learning a musical piece helped her focus on something good. “Those kinds of coping skills have saved my life.”

Despite the challenges Lisa has faced, she maintains that life is not meant to be a punishment, but to bring joy. “We have the opportunity to show and share love,” she says. In the final weeks of Chris’s life, this was manifested in how people wanted to express their love to him, and how all he wanted to do was tell everyone how much and why he loved them. This experience deepened her conviction that relationships and expressions of love outweigh creative achievements and résumés.

While she acknowledges that it would be easy to say “This is it” after such a profound loss, Lisa promised Christopher that she wouldn’t give up. “I feel called to create more relationships, better relationships with my children and friends…None of us knows how much time we have, and our time on earth is so precious and important.”

Lisa’s journey has taught her to appreciate and create meaningful experiences for herself and others. “I feel that so passionately,” she says. “That includes art, right? It’s all-encompassing. But the real focus, I feel, is those relationships and how we show up for the world, because it does have a rippling effect.” She finds that humor isn’t just about punchlines—it’s about using the unique talents and gifts we are given. Making people laugh is inseparable from her faith, and in the end, she says, “It all boils down to love.”

This article is based on a Called to Create podcast aired season 4, episode 17. To hear the full podcast, click here.