LDSPMA

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Faith & Mindset

Advice from the Experts: Denise Farnsworth (Corporate Attorney, Author, Wife, Mother)

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By Lessa Harding

Okay, full disclosure here. Denise is my mother. When I was growing up, I called her Super Mom. I’ve always been in awe of her abilities, her career, her relationship with my daddy (I am sure it is material for a Hallmark movie), and her dedication to doing what the Lord asks of her. Interviewing her was a privilege.

On paper, Denise is a successful corporate attorney who works for Facebook Ireland. She specializes in privacy, data protection and cyber security, technology, international business, and intellectual property law. She also serves in the Church and mentors young professionals in many stages of their careers. In February, she will fulfill her life-long dream of becoming a published author. But she is so much more than her LinkedIn profile. She is someone who has had trial after trial placed upon her shoulders and yet still stands tall. She is someone who is considered an expert in her field, and yet she always finds value in the advice and council that others give her. She is someone who takes baby steps toward her dreams and helps others to do the same. And she is someone who has learned the importance of being deliberate in the pursuit of those dreams. If anyone can provide a little guidance, inspiration, and direction as we create our vision for the coming year, it is her.

During the interview, Denise shared many things about her life and how she came to be who she is today. I captured it all in the recording I made, and I wish I could share every minute! But you will have to make do with a few highlights.

The first experience that caught my attention was the story of how Denise met the renowned physicist J. Robert Oppenheimer. She was introduced to him by her father, a chemist by trade. Mr. Oppenheimer took her on his knee and played with her. He was a kind old man with a twinkle and fire in his eyes that Denise has remembered every day since. Everything she has done has been to keep that same fire burning in herself and to show others, especially her children, what that fire and determination can do.

She had an experience as a young mother that I’ve thought a lot about since the interview. She described a conversation she had with her boss after returning to work following the birth of her fourth child. Her boss could tell she did not want to be there and asked her why she was. Her response? “I need to be.” His advice changed her life and set the tone for the rest of her career. He said, “The best thing you can do for your children is show them that no matter the circumstances of your life, you can make the best out of it. You can do your best, be your best, pursue your dreams, and be happy along the way.”

Denise shared many additional insights and lessons she has learned over the years. She also offered suggestions on how we can achieve our dreams:

  • “Have your goals in mind. Don’t let your career take you where you don’t intend to go.”
  • “When [you are] with someone, [be] with them.” Don’t pull out your cell phone, turn on the TV, or open your laptop. Instead, focus on the person, really listen to them, and let that person know how important they are.
  • “Anyone can start down the road to attaining their dreams if they define their dreams. If it is a someday thing . . . you probably won’t get anywhere. . . . You need to start. . . . [First] create a picture in your head. [Then] keep going back to the dream and refining it. Remember that this is a journey. [Just] start taking baby steps.”
  • “If you prioritize, if you make sure you know what is most important to you and do those things first, the rest will follow. Remember, you have a whole life time to fit it all in.”
  • “Don’t let life take you on random detours. Don’t just passively watch life go by. There are so many amazing things to do in this world, and if you will be deliberate and remember what is most important, you can accomplish anything.”

The Thirty-Two Words That Changed How I Viewed Myself as a Writer

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By Kristen Reber

“I have never sought to do anything other than to build His kingdom,” Sheri Dew said. “And as a result, I have had the opportunity to be in the presence of prophets, seers, and revelators.”

I heard those thirty-two words at the third annual conference of the Latter-day Saint Publishing and Media Association (LDSPMA). I was sitting roughly ten feet from Sheri Dew—CEO of Deseret Book; executive vice president of Deseret Management Corporation; former general officer in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints; and prolific, well-known author. She was among many admirers of her work and could have opened with anything! I expected her to start with something much grander about herself. But she chose to open with a line that praised the Lord and placed herself in the position of a humble servant rather than as a great leader. Her example, expressed in just thirty-two words, struck me. They changed how I view myself as a writer.

Sheri Dew at LDSPMA’s Third Annual Conference

I had long wanted to be a published author. Those yearnings began when I was about seven years old and someone told me I was a good writer. I heard over and over again that I had a talent with the written word. This was great news because I enjoyed writing! And it’s always nice to hear that you’re good at something.

When I became an adult, I was asked when I was going to finally publish a book. I’d start to write one, but I always got in my own head, wanting to craft something great. Something that I’d be remembered for. So I’d always feel disappointed with what I wrote. I knew I had talent, but when would I finally write something worthy to be on a shelf next to the great writers of the past? I wanted my name in lights. I wanted to be well-known. And the paltry stories I kept churning out just kept falling short.

But the ideas kept coming and I’d keep trying. I published a couple articles in the Ensign, and I was proud of them. It was fun to see my name listed as the author. But I wanted to write a book.

A particular book idea had been forming in my mind off and on for several years—ever since I’d returned home early from my mission. I had written a memoir and tried to get it published, but the manuscript was rejected because the topic was “taboo,” in the publisher’s words. Furthermore, memoirs generally don’t sell well unless they’re written by someone famous.

Kristen on her mission in the Philippines

I was actually okay with the memoir being rejected. I was still hurting deeply from having to leave my mission early and still grappling with feelings of failure. I had much more of a journey to walk before I was ready to write such a book.

Years passed and I healed from the experience of returning home early from my mission. But thoughts of the book persisted. Over the years, my idea changed from writing a memoir to a resource book. No such book had been written for early-returned missionaries, and I realized that I could become the first to do so. I might even become famous for doing so. I tried not to let that thought persist, but it came back, as self-aggrandizing thoughts have a tendency to do.

During the LDSPMA conference that Sheri Dew spoke at, I met an acquisitions editor from Cedar Fort and pitched the book idea. She loved it. She told me to dust off the old manuscript, spruce it up, and give her a call when it was in progress. These words were an aspiring author’s dream come true!

I was in a daze the rest of the conference. Me? A published author? At last? The experience was surreal.

And then Sheri Dew said the words that woke me up to the real purpose of having a talent: “I have never sought to do anything other than to build His Kingdom.”

I thought about how I’d wanted to see my name in lights. I wanted me to be glorified and recognized. I wanted the world to know that I was talented. I wanted “Kristen Reber” to be known.

It all seemed so silly. I have worth and talents, but they come from Heavenly Father. They were given to me in the hopes that I would use them to build His kingdom. It became clear to me why my stories had been so paltry lately. I’d been comparing myself against others. I cared more about what the world thought than what He thought. I needed to change my focus. My writing shouldn’t be about me. It should be about Him. Who cares if Kristen Reber becomes famous? I wanted my works to make Him well-known to others. I wanted to do my part, however great or however small, in building His kingdom. And I was going to start with a book for early-returned missionaries.

I also felt grateful to Sheri Dew and her example to me. Because of her example, I started every interview with early-returned missionaries, every writing session, and every editing session with a prayer. I refused to get cocky about my own abilities. The book was a challenge to write, and I knew that to adequately cover the topic, I needed all the help I could get. And even as I became an expert on the subject, I knew it couldn’t hurt to remain humble and continue to pray for help and guidance. When I read what I wrote and was satisfied with it, I said another prayer of gratitude instead of patting myself on the back. These practices made writing the book a sacred experience.

Early Homecoming was published in August 2018. I received emails from people thanking me for my work and telling me that I was talented. At times I could still feel the attention getting to my head. I mean, it was exciting to receive those emails, to see my work on the shelves of bookstores and in Deseret Book’s catalog, and to receive pictures of people—both those I knew and those I didn’t know—purchasing my book! It was exciting to see the sales numbers from the publisher and to see a “bestseller” label slapped on my book at Costco! And it was thrilling to see my name finally on the cover of a book! But when I felt the praise and the attention getting to my head, I reminded myself that the purpose of Early Homecoming was to build His kingdom. I let myself enjoy the excitement and the feeling of accomplishment, but I didn’t let it go beyond that. The feeling of building His kingdom was better than any compliment, and I wanted to keep that perspective.

As I’ve continued on my journey in publishing, whether as a writer, editor, or some other role, I’ve asked myself: “How can I build His kingdom?” I’ve found a lot of peace through asking that question. When I get caught up in “I can become well-known or famous or praised if I . . .” I notice myself tailspinning and lacking in inspiration. But when I focus on building His kingdom, inspiration and peace come.

Although Sheri Dew and I have both chosen to focus our work on gospel-centered topics, building His kingdom isn’t limited to creating Church literature or media. In my interview with David Archuleta at LDSPMA’s fourth annual conference, David told me that he keeps God in mind in everything that he does. Though David sings pop music, he wants what he sings to bring people closer to God. David also tries to remember who gave him this gift of music and how He wants David to use it.

Also at the fourth annual conference, Orson Scott Card said that although he doesn’t seek to write novels related to the Church, gospel ideals find their way into his work. For example, Ender Wiggins in Ender’s Game exemplifies Doctrine and Covenants 121:41–43. He’s the perfect leader, and Card encourages readers to try to develop those leadership qualities.

 Kristen Interviewing David Archuleta
Orson Scott Card speaking at LDSPMA’s Fourth Annual Conference

I will always be grateful to people like Sheri Dew, David Archuleta, and Orson Scott Card for showing me that building His kingdom has its own reward. While these people are famous, they don’t let their fame define them. They don’t compromise their faith; nor do they assist in building His kingdom just so they can become more famous. Rather, they’ve been set as “lights on a hill” to lead others to Him. I am grateful that LDSPMA provides opportunities for so many people to learn from Sheri Dew, David Archuleta, Orson Scott Card, and others. And I’m grateful that because of those thirty-two simple words from Sheri Dew, I changed how I saw myself as a writer.