Advice from the Experts: Josi S. Kilpack (Author, Wife, Mother)

By LDSPMA

I think the most wonderful thing a “successful someone” (be they writer, editor or filmmaker) can do is pass on their knowledge to those wanting to follow in their footsteps. If they can somehow help those following them to internalize their teachings and become what they were meant to be, well, that is not only wonderful but truly miraculous.

I think that’s why I started this series of articles. I wanted to see if I could introduce a few of you to someone who could help you become who you were meant to be—someone you could look up to, learn from, and possibly even connect with. What I didn’t realize is how so many of the people I interviewed on your behalf would help me. With that in mind, I would like to introduce you to Josi S. Kilpack.

Josi is wife to Lee (who manages a geriatric psych hospital in Salt Lake City), mother to four children—one of whom just returned from a mission—and, of course, a writer. Some of my favorite things I discovered about Josi during our interview are her love for watching the same movies over and over again, the way she is constantly challenging herself to be better writer, and her determination to use failures as an opportunity to learn how to succeed.

I hope some of the things Josi shares below will not only help you learn to succeed but be a miracle in your life:

• “I dream of having a typical writing day . . . but instead, I look at the day and schedule a chunk of time . . . when [the writing] is going well, the house is falling behind. When it is not, I’m playing catch up.”

• “[Writing well] is really about figuring out what works for you and trying to repeat it. I get a lot done when I have the ideas and the time at the same time, so I try really hard to brainstorm while I am doing other things and then write it down when I have the time.”

• “Every time I start a new [novel], I have this fear that it will be my last book. It drives me crazy. I can tell myself logically that I said it every other time and it hasn’t been true. [I tell myself] it isn’t true this time either and . . . just keep going.”

• “Tell yourself, ‘The only real competition is with myself.’”

• “Look for ways to challenge [your]self . . . to write a different type of story or character or to write from a different point of view. Constantly . . . look for ways to stretch. . . . That challenge just against myself keeps me going in the right direction.”

• “Get a few friends around you that tell you, ‘You are wonderful.’”

• “Every journey, every author is different.”

• “I am too stupid to be discouraged, but the friends I have made who understand who I am and what I love has been the greatest gift. Creat[e] that community and let . . . them support [you], and support them in their successes and failures.”

• “Opportunities come because you take advantage of other opportunities.”

• “Learn your craft. Make sure you are creating a good product. Learn about your industry. There is so much to know.”

• “Being excited about your book is natural. You wouldn’t put the time into it if you didn’t think you had something to offer, but a lot of time that excitement is what keeps you from doing what you need to do. Do yourself a favor and learn what makes a good book cover, learn to edit, and understand what the steps [to success] are. If you don’t, after you get those first few rejections you will be discouraged and stop.”

• “You [learn your craft at] conferences, through blogs, by meeting authors and talking to them, by learning from other people’s experiences. I don’t think you can be successful without those, but a lot of people skip that.”

• “Marketing is not easy, and most authors hate it. We are introverted and like to make up our own worlds not go out into the world we live in, but you have to do it these days. . . . If I am asked to do something, I say yes as often as possible. Articles, book signings, speaking at firesides . . . I say yes. Figure out what you are comfortable doing and then do it.”

• “Most of my story development comes from developing a character—what they want, what they are willing to do, and what they are not willing to do to get what they want. Then, putting them with another character and what they want is where a story comes from.”

• “People are fascinating. . . . When I get stuck, I go back to my characters. [I am usually stuck] because I have taken my character in a direction that is not authentic to who they are.”

• “If it is hard it doesn’t mean you are doing it wrong. It is just hard.”

• “I don’t really think balance exists . . . whenever I am looking for balance, I am beating myself up because there is no balance. I have been trying to balance this for fifteen years, and I have still never achieved it.”

• “What is the most important thing to you? . . . In any given moment it might be [different]. . .. For me [life] is a juggling act. What can I throw into the air so I can catch another something? And, honestly, sometimes it all drops. But if you are honest with everyone around you and with yourself, you can pick it all back up. There is a lot of guilt that goes along with this, but I look at it and say if I did it right the first time, I wouldn’t learn anything. . . . They are not eggs; they are bouncy balls. You still have to chase them. You still swear and get mad, but they don’t break, and you just get better at juggling as you go along. ”

• “It is good for my kids to see that I am passionate about something. It is good for them to see that I am a person and not just a mommy. It is good for them to see that while I love them to bits, [they are] not the entirety of my existence. I don’t want them to give up who they are individually because of the roles they take on.”

• “I have been doing this for a long time. I have raised my kids through it, and life has gone on along with my writing, but it is mostly my story that has been written through all of it. My writing was the vehicle that helped me grow. It has written my story. I would love people to be mindful that their [own] story is being written while they are writing.”