By Steve Dunn Hanson
I’m at the age where some of my closest friends have passed on. While I miss them, what they have taught me by their words and lives continues to affect me deeply.
Lloyd Rasmussen was a few years older than me and over the years, our relationship moved from him being my church leader and mentor to the kind of close friendship I’ve had with only a handful of people. He was the kind of friend you can talk to about anything. While his stellar life was a great example to me, one of his oft repeated statements continues to give me direction, both as I write and as I plod along on my own mortal journey.
There are two kinds of choices a successful person makes: the right ones and the ones they make right.
I can modify whatever choice I make, whatever circumstance I’m in, whatever word, sentence, or chapter I write, to make it better. To make it right. Knowing I can do this has made all the difference in my life.
Another friend, Kaye Terry Hanson, has been an extraordinary example of that principle. Kaye passed away nearly five years ago and was very close to my wife and me for some 50 years. She was my writing mentor, editor, and a constant encouragement. She would tell me, “Writing is easy, Steve. Just dip your pen in your blood and write.” That metaphor has been powerfully descriptive of my writing challenges at times!
As vital as her tutoring in my writing has been, it is her life that has been my inspiration. Kaye taught high school English to help put her husband through medical school. They were not able to have children, and they adopted a boy and a girl. Her husband was finishing his medical residency in Southern California some 45 years ago, and that Thanksgiving, my family and others went to their house for dinner.
The next morning, Kaye showed up on our doorstep with her two little ones. What she told us was shattering. After everyone had gone home that Thanksgiving evening, and without any warning, her husband gathered his clothes, told her he no longer loved her, and left. We were stunned. We wept.
She had been thrown under a bus and was utterly overwhelmed. “What am I going to do?” she lamented. “I can’t even get a job at McDonald’s!”
There was nothing in my limited understanding at that time I could draw on to even begin to console her, but the Spirit put words into my mouth. I said, “I don’t know how, but I promise you if you keep your covenants and focus on the Savior, this experience will redound to your blessing.”
That seemingly impossible promise happened.
At Kaye’s funeral, her stake center in Provo was filled almost to the stage, Virginia (Ginny) Pearce, daughter of President Hinkley, gave the eulogy. She spoke about Kaye’s chronic bout with rheumatic fever as a child, her mother dying from a freak accident when Kaye was on her mission, and Kaye’s divorce and raising her two children as a single mother. She reminded the congregation of Kaye’s struggle with breast cancer and subsequent double mastectomy, and of her latest health challenges with neuropathy, blood clots, and heart irregularities.
Then she related a few of the things Kaye had accomplished—all since her divorce. She earned her PhD in Theater History and was a professor at BYU. She taught theater, a religion class, and communications in the Marriott School of Business. She became the associate director of BYU’s world-class MBA program. In addition, for three years she resided in Jerusalem as associate director of the BYU Jerusalem Center and was on the Young Women’s General Board for the Church.
She traveled all over the world giving seminars on communication to leaders of businesses and organizations and spoke at BYU’s Education Week and at a BYU Devotional. She led tours to Israel and served as a full-time senior missionary in Europe where she worked with young adults throughout the continent and the British Isles. She was an author, a Relief Society president, and a Sunday School teacher. Most importantly, she was an unexcelled mother, grandmother, and friend.
After Ginny talked, Kaye’s grandchildren paid tribute to their grandmother, and her two children expressed their love and unqualified respect for their mother. Then, we all had one of the experiences of a lifetime. Nine of the great women of the Church, all who had served with Kaye in one capacity or another, stood in a line across the stand and, one-by-one, each came to the pulpit and spoke of how Kaye had blessed her life. That group included two former General Young Women Presidents, a past General Relief Society President, and temple matrons, and counselors in general auxiliary presidencies. Their presence, and what they said, was electrifying.
When I spoke, I asked all in the congregation who had been taught or tutored or mentored by Kaye to stand. Nearly all 700+ who were there rose to their feet. It was an overpowering witness of the influence this woman had on the lives of countless.
A few nights before the funeral, my wife and I went to dinner with Julie Beck and her husband Ramon. The conversation centered around Kaye. With considerable emotion, and in detail, Julie told us how Kaye had taught and trained her. Then she said, “If it hadn’t been for Kaye, I would never have been qualified to serve as General President of the Relief Society.”
Kaye was the woman who, decades before, felt so low and useless, she didn’t think she could even get a job at McDonald’s. She was the woman whose outstanding experiences and opportunities for service would not have likely occurred but for a crushing Thanksgiving event so many years ago. Her choice to somehow make her hopeless situation right, made all the difference.
Her life has been an undimmed beacon for me.
Kaye authored a memoir about growing up in the small Utah town of Beaver and published it in two volumes for her family and friends. I have put these on FamilySearch and invite you to download the (free) PDF copies of Tula I and Tula II to get a glimpse of the life of this remarkable woman. They are found under “Documents” at www.familysearch.org/tree/person/memories/KWHF-N24. You may have to sign in to access them.
Steve Dunn Hanson lives with Joyce, his wife of 57 years, in northeast Washington and is the author of several books, including The Course of Fate trilogy currently available at Amazon. His website is https://stevedunnhanson.com/